


Looking Into His Eyes

by Miandraden1



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Satine Kryze (mentioned), no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23246851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miandraden1/pseuds/Miandraden1
Summary: The first time he looks into Anakin Skywalker’s eyes, the universe shifts in a way that he can’t define, and Obi-Wan Kenobi is terrified.-Or the one in which Obi-Wan's life is defined by gazes, no one's more so than Anakin's.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	Looking Into His Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> So! I am not sure where this came from, but I truly hope you like it.

The first time he looks into Anakin Skywalker’s eyes, the universe shifts in a way that he can’t define, and Obi-Wan Kenobi is terrified.

It’s a muted feeling, as the teen’s emotions often are. He smothers it with a lot of justifiers: the whole mission has him on edge.

Qui-Gon Jinn dies with the boy’s name on his lips, and he is feeling too many things to consider the primordial unease that accompanies the boy. There is only a promise.

Later, he notices that the Force warps around the boy. Not only does he shine, he also shifts fabric of space-time: pulling the lines around himself. A star on all senses. Only Master Windu seems to ever understand that assessment, so he concludes it could be the Cosmic Force speaking. It convinces him that the universe spins around the boy, just as his world now does. The Chosen One.

The first time Anakin Skywalker glares at him with all the passion of his soul, Obi-Wan imagined the little boy’s lightsaber igniting and slicing right through him. Those are eyes that could kill, he thinks, a bit amused at his own dramatism. He kneels to gently correct the boy’s misconceptions. It doesn’t work. The little blond storms out of the Master/Padawan apartment, and the young master urges patience within himself. A more complete explanation will be necessary, but not until his student is ready to hear it. He is about to make them both tea before he decides to prepare the second glass with ice and cold water. This is a pleasure young Skywalker not oft had available- it is as enchanting an offering as he can imagine.

The first time Anakin Skywalker looks happy at his presence, blues shinning after a particularly close call, the boy has the biggest smile Obi-Wan Kenobi has ever witnessed. The pain in his abdomen is awful, his ribs are sore, and his heart is full. In that smile he recognizes a purpose that goes beyond promises and Jedi duty. This boy’s life is his reason, something intrinsic to his persona and his soul, and his mission is not yet over until that boy is grown and decidedly not defenseless. Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan realizes, is his life.

Only when the boy pries his master’s fingers lose, will he be done. Perhaps even allowed to die. Anakin Skywalker will define his living moments, but so also his death.

So says the Force.

These notions mix and match the first time Anakin Skywalker sends him a chagrinned look. Not quite guilty but not quite sure, the teen stands before him after an illegal underground race. Oil stains his small jedi tunics. He expresses the idea in the same range he does lately when berating Anakin, after holding into a sternness unnatural to himself: pointed and amused acceptance. He says, “Padawan, you’ll be the death of me.”

The Force jerks with the boy, volatile temper rising. “Don’t say that!”

Is he discomforted by how deeply the words echoed through the Force? No. Merely intrigued. So, he would die for Anakin Skywalker: he already knew that. Probably die beside the boy. Better let Anakin get used to the idea- save him some suffering. Whenever the phrase enters his mind, he lets it out. 

He is surprised when the boy’s protests center on the threat of violence. “I would never hurt you,” the boy says. Was that ever put into question?

The first time Anakin avoids his gaze, he decides not to pressure him. His apprentice, as much as it saddens him, is not unfamiliar with tragedy. He just lost two friends: one to a terrible lightsaber accident, and another to unsurmountable guilt. Anakin will know to handle the injuries of his heart, and if he holds on to any undue resentment at the Force, any pointless frustration? Obi-Wan will be there and guide him to releasing the emotion in joint meditation. He cannot imagine doing more than that will be beneficial for his reactive padawan. He monitors the situation.

He is pleasantly surprised and confounded when he senses no despair from his padawan, as the weeks go by. No explosion of emotion. If anything, the incident had made his padawan pensive, quiet, quick to answer but slow to act.

This is the first and only time Anakin Skywalker will react calmly to a loss of anyone close to him, and Obi-Wan will only look back at this with more and more doubt. Sometimes he will wonder if he imagined the whole thing, if Qui-Gon was right and he was swept away in the waters of the Cosmic Force; visions of things that never happened. Later, much, much later, he would realize there were things he would never know about Anakin.

When Obi-Wan Kenobi sees the look in his apprentice’s eyes standing before Padme Amidala, he knows he is in a whole world of trouble. He didn’t imagine the magnitude of said trouble, but he knew. He held into the cheery mood until Anakin began _… flirting_ , right in front of him, and oh, he was not equipped with the means to handle this situation. Dear Force, he couldn’t quite look Senator Padme in the eye for a moment. What did this say about him, as a master? Anakin was supremely talented, but he still couldn’t urge the boy to hold in his first impulse.

Did he consider Satine Kryze of Kalevala the most magnificent creature he had ever laid eyes on the first time he saw her? Absolutely. Had he ever been able to rid himself of the notion? Well, perhaps- no, not at all, in honesty he would never think otherwise. But had he blurted it out? No. He hadn’t dared make mention of her beauty until after 9 months on the run- at _her_ insistence.

Obi-Wan could barely even comprehend what went on in the mind of Anakin Skywalker.

The first time Obi-Wan thought of the senator as simply _Padme_ , and looked into her eyes, he knew. Anakin was being fitted a new hand (he should have _protected_ -) and she was there, something in her Force presence anxious. He considered her a friend, before, but surviving a battle with someone had a way of striping formalities from the soul. Without that barrier, that thin veneer of professionalism, that moment of thinking _we are both only people_ , he could see that she wouldn’t much care. She wouldn’t care that she was a politician, the Anakin was a Jedi, that there were things that should be kept secret, if Padme Naberrie wanted Anakin Skywalker, she wouldn’t stop herself.

He… was not confident Anakin would either.

This was a trial. This would pass.

There were too many things going on.

When Anakin was given the rank of Commander, his eyes shined. Obi-Wan wanted to think it was grief, regret, chagrin, or even fear. These were all emotions he was ready to handle. He had so many assurances, so many logical resolutions, all born of a tormented night of meditation. He was not only a Jedi now; he was a General. General Kenobi, and it sat horribly in his chest. Then Anakin looked directly at him, and he couldn’t avoid what he saw.

Pride. It imbued that gaze and the Force around his padawan. It asked, “ _Master, look at me, aren’t you proud of me?_ ” And Force, no, he was ashamed. Ashamed at himself, at putting his padawan in this position, and at what the Order was forced to do. None of- of _his men_ \- had a choice in the matter. But maybe, just maybe, he could see Anakin through this. Maybe this is what he needed to survive. Obi-Wan Kenobi reinforced already tight shields on his soul, dampened the sense of the bond that connected the two of them, and smiled.

General Kenobi was giving crucial instructions to his Commander, something about the holo hiding the expressiveness of his padawan’s eyes, when Anakin cut the call. This hadn’t happened before- he was alarmed. He didn’t understand, immediately, that it was intentional. He blared questions through the bond when he found it tightly closed.

Anakin did magic, solved so many problems taking so many risks, all without him. When his padawan came back, Obi-Wan didn’t even know if he _could_ reprimand the boy.

It would happen again. And again.

To say he was worried was an understatement, when all he felt was tired and weary of the fighting- but his apprentice’s eyes were so often alight with excitement.

When they knighted him, and Obi-Wan would never quite say _he_ knighted his own padawan, for all he held the saber, all he could think about was how young he still was. Too young. Too soon. He was not ready. He was still emotional. Still impulsive.

Anakin didn’t deserve to be pushed into knighthood, not like this. He deserved more.

More time. More attention. More care.

Anakin didn’t give him his padawan braid. In fact, he seemed angry, his movements jerky, once the ceremony was over. It was not done properly, but hurriedly. He wanted to explain, but… his _former_ padawan stormed away.

He didn’t linger on it- he dared not. Perhaps Anakin had sensed his apprehension, perhaps he would give him the padawan braid later, but more likely- more likely he didn’t deserve it.

Obi-Wan could think of a millionth ways in which he could have done better. But not now, not yet, he couldn’t-

There was so much to do.

Anakin didn’t look up at him, when given the position of General. Didn’t glance his way at all.

Obi-Wan was given new positions too- High Councilor. High General of the Third Systems Army.

So much to do.

The best battalion under his command, though, the best Commander, someone quick and effective- that he could give Anakin, if nothing else.

The looks he could catch from Anakin for a time there, though, were hard. They demanded respect he already had. Harsh, before Anakin decided he just didn’t agree with an order.

He had to change his view of Anakin though- the boy had grown up. He had to accept that. Show him that he trusted him- he set about doing just that.

Open assignments- get this done, as you think it must be done. Anakin always came through.

That’s when they began to banter. It was a jolt of pleasure to realize the look Anakin was giving him was playful, affectionate even, one time they were assigned together. Obi-Wan could readily admit to himself that he cherished those moments, and thus began the ribbing of true friendship.

They were nearing the end of the war, and his soul was skirting relief. Anakin was here, insisting to accompany him, to help him, to fight it out together. Obi-Wan set hands on the shoulders of a grown man, and said, “You are strong and wise Anakin. You’ve become a much better Jedi than I can ever hope to be. And I am proud of you.”

If Anakin looked down, took the compliment with difficulty, well. He was still somewhat impatient, somewhat unfocused, put into a conflictive situation between The Council and the Chancellor. But his Anakin, his brother, deep down the young man was humble. It was just now showing.

If death came for Obi-Wan Kenobi then, it would have met a man at peace.

It didn’t.

Death hunted and haunted Obi-Wan Kenobi, but from very far away.

When Obi-Wan looked into his brother’s eyes, that next time, and that last time, he wouldn’t recognize him.

A lot of things change, then. So much is left broken.

* * *

The first time he looks into Luke Skywalker’s eyes, Obi-Wan Kenobi is gifted hope.

The last time he feels Luke Skywalkers’ eyes on him, Ben Kenobi is given permission to die.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Please comment, I would love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> Oh! And I put a secret dark reference to Anakin's background. Tell me if you catch it.
> 
> \---------------  
> On other news, I got a website/blog now! If you want to check it out, you can find the link in my profile.


End file.
